To Move, Or Not To Move

Good morning from sultry, steamy Houston!

We are 40 days into the hurricane season and the Gulf is still quiet. This is good!

Some of you know that my family is in the midst of discerning a move to Dallas. When this started we thought it would be decided in a week, and in fact was decided. But it has stretched out and taken us on a journey.

I won't go into all the details, but suffice it to say it is not a clear-cut decision. We have moved a fair amount during our 23 year marriage. We have had 3 cross-country moves, 2 in-city moves and 1 in-state move.

Part of me likes moving. I enjoy change. I love scoping out a new area and finding all the unique things a place has to offer. Oh, the Bay Area was a delight in it's scenery, parks, weather and weekend excursion. Ohio was rich in mid-west values, fall foliage, old mills and quiet surroundings. Austin had the hill country and nature- mesquite trees and the state capitol. Houston is a big spawling city and we have spent 7 years here exploring the museums and antique shops, and love the big pine trees and the multi-cultural nature of the city.

But, this move is different. I like Dallas and part of me, again looks forward to the change... that is just me. I grew up near there and my dh and I lived there for 8 years straight out of college before we began our trek around the U.S. So, we know the lay of the land. We would go to a new area so we would not be trying to go 'home' again.

But, this move is different.

We have been in Houston for 8 years. It was really hard to feel at home and it took us a long time to do so. I think in part because you have to carve your niche out of the sprawling suburbs. But we have done that. It feels like home.

Also, the boys were at the oldest 8 and 5 during all our past moves. As they get older, children, too make deeper attachments. They are now 15 and 12.

And, John and I are older. In our other moves, it seemed our life was in 'building' stage. Pick up and go! Meet new friends while your kids played at the park. Dh's career was stretched out before him.. as were most of our life.

I picture dh and me (aged 52 and 46) at near the top of that bell curve... headed down soon. Like we are perched at the top of the giant rollercoaster peak-- you know the biggest one in the park-- waiting for the wild ride down!

Not to say we are old, but we are a bit... well , tired. :)

Retirement is closer than the birth of our first child.

So, it colors the landscape a bit.

Also there are a lot of pros and cons for each job. Going or staying is not a slam dunk.

But, what has happened in the past three weeks of discernment is this. Our family has crysalized some of our feelings. We are relating to each other. Emotions have run high, especially the first days of the decision-making. My sons do not want to go. They love it here, they love this house, they love their friends. As B (12) says, this is the only home he really remembers. There is value to that. To being in one place.

It has caused discussion. S (15) has expressed a lot about what Houston is to us, in the way only he can. He has a gift for understanding himself and others. He can say things that others cannot, though they may be thinking them. And he has quite a sense of humor which will kick in at the right time.

As he says, he is currently 'in denial." :)

This also has crystalized our thoughts about Houston. I am the first to complain about the hot sultry weather. Oh, and the mosquitos, don't get me started. I know you have them where you live, but do you have them year round? Do they hide in your dog's fur to be spirited to your office where they lurk under your desk until you begin a blog post and then chew your feet and legs up while you type and you have to douse yourself in spray Benedryl and then you have spots all over your fair-skinned (white) legs that people stare at when you work out? Hummm???

Oh, Sorry.

But, in the midst of the thought of leaving Houston, we have begun to see what we would miss. Our friends. Our little Goddaughter who was baptized last week. Our parish with our new pastor and vicar. Kroger. The library.

Home.

I have been thinking a lot about two books during the past three weeks. The first is The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. If I have not posted my review of it here yet, I will do so. This is one of the most moving and influentail books I have read, in terms of faith. She had to give up many things in her life, due to the Nazis. She gave up her home, her freedom and people she loved (who died at the German hands). But throughout it she had a real trust in Christ. She *knew* with all her heart that he would bring good out of each situation. And he did.

The second book that it on my mind is Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis. Kempis is reminding me that I need to give up what I *think* may be important. First on the list is control (pride). Maybe I really don't know all the answers and the best way. (Think of that!) Through reading him I have learned to let my dh follow this process in his own way (which is worlds different than may way), and trust him. It has shown me that though I think I am not attached to material things, I am. I am afraid we will not be able to build new memories in a new house with my boys so old (12 and 15). We will not have the house to remind us.

Kempis has reminded me that fear is never the place to operate from. Trust, humility and serving others- that is the key- and God will provide.

Our family is being brought together by our 'crisis'. I write crisis in quotes because it has brought discussion of how small our challenge is to what it could be. We have each other, health and home. Just don't know where our home will be.

Ok, my ankles are itching. How did that mosquito get under the desk?